Although I wake up every few nights or so with a bizarre dream running through my head, it's been some time since I've had the energy to rise and write one down before it disappears. Two nights ago, I awoke in a panic with this winner:
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I had watched the Sunday night 60 Minutes segment about the genocide in Rwanda and obviously had visions of Africa and machetes swirling around my head.
Parenthetically, I read a chilling book a couple years ago called Machete Season: The Killers in Rwanda Speak, by a French reporter named Jean Hatzfeld, who interviewed, over a period of a few months, a group of about ten of the imprisoned Hutu killers. It is one of the most horrifying nightmares of evil I have ever come across, mainly due to the matter-of-fact way in which the killers discuss the daily schedule of killing. During the months of genocide, the killers would rise in the morning, as they normally would to prepare for a day's work, grab their machetes, and venture out for a day of hacking up their neighbors. At the end of the day, they would return to the village for beers and dinner before returning to the killing fields the next day.
Back to my dream: I am encamped in an African savanna setting, where I am being hosted by a local guide and his men. I seem to be some sort of scientist who has discovered the remains of a special, previously-unknown species of gazelle, and I have the fossilized remains of said beast in the bathtub of my rooms in the little camp.
An African savanna
As evening falls, a sense of dread spreads over me, as I suspect that my archnemesis-archaeologist, Matthew Broderick, has learned of the discovery and is planning to strike.
Archnemesis Matthew Broderick
My situation is exactly like that of Indiana Jones as he repeatedly lands at the sites of priceless treasures only to have his foe, Belloq, steal the artifacts.
Belloq, thorn in the side of Indiana Jones
Dusk sets in, and my terror deepens; I realize that my guide is likely on Broderick's payroll, and that I can expect treachery and betrayal this very evening. I know from his reputation that Matthew Broderick will stop at nothing to get his hands on this breakthrough discovery I've made.
I decide that I must face the coming challenge head-on, so I grab my machete and walk out into the camp's clearing.
My machete
I see my duplicitous guide's men lurking in the shadows and realize that the moment of truth is approaching fast. Suddenly, Matthew Broderick himself appears and comes toward me, brandishing his own machete. I pause, and when he is about ten feet from me, I spring into action, dodging one swipe by him and striking back with a lightning-quick, fatal blow to Broderick's neck. As my nemesis collapses into a lifeless heap, I realize that by killing him I have earned the fear and respect of my guide and his band of mercenaries. All is safe. The rare gazelle will now be preserved for posterity.
Fossilized gazelles
I load my things, including the fossilized skeleton, into a little boat on a lake and set off for the other side.
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