If you work in sales at a European bank, try wearing these cutting-edge shoes with a non-pleated, drainpipe-legged suit with many buttons up and down the front, probably in a shade of medium-brown or hospital-scrubs-blue (accompanied, of course, by a tie knot that measures about seven inches across) . . . .
I happened to get a sneak peak at the upcoming 2008 Juan Seitz casualwear line for weekend relaxation:
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And here's a glimpse into the Spring 2008 Amorosi Collection:
You may recall a post from a month or so ago in which I recounted the bleak, cheerless, despair-inducing effects of walking into a JC Penney store.
How things have changed. Check out the following excerpts from a 1977 JC Penney catalog. These models are offering up outfits that will guarantee you a refreshing lifestyle of 24-hour satisfaction and delight! Thanks to Grotto friends Johnny D. and Lindsey B. for forwarding to the Fashion Dept.
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Here's Juan Seitz on his first day of second grade:
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And a young Amo:
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C. Goodman on a Casual Friday at Bear Stearns:
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Nice text: "Colorful Stretch Terry Coordinates" ("terry" as in "Terry Brown"):
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These guys mean business:
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"Your search for value" = "Your search for Pleather crapola:"
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Awesome tie, dude:
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The Churches:
What's worse than a public bathroom with no paper towels? You wash your hands and then have to stand around like an idiot for a few minutes as a gentle breeze wafts out of the hand dryer and turns your hands from very wet to slightly wet. Meanwhile, a line of creepy Far Side characters forms behind you, and you finally give up and wipe your hands on your pants.
I am pleased to announce that there's a new sheriff in town causing some serious creative destruction in the sleepy hand dryer business, and his name is the Sloan XLerator! Get ready: If you have weak wrists, I recommend those rollerblading wristguards that you see losers in Central Park wearing, because the Sloan XLerator sports about 475 horsepower of pure blasting that will not only dry your hands in about six seconds, but may also snap them off of your arms!
Here is the one I had the pleasure of using over the weekend in NH:
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And here's the better pic from the Sloan Valve Company website:
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The Grotto High Fashion Dept. has been inundated lately with letters from loyal readers desperate for more pleated denim-wear. I'm happy to report back that Orvis seems to be the one-stop-shop for all your comfortable denim needs.
The Vintage Denim 14-Pocket Pants (featured in this column on September 3rd) that you wear on Wednesdays can now be attractively sandwiched between Tuesday's Denim Chinos and Thursday's Denim with S-T-R-E-T-C-H:
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I was flipping through the new Orvis catalog over the weekend, nodding with satisfaction and approval at page after page of attractive, outdoorsy apparel. As I turned over to page 67, I almost blew a mouthful of Odwalla fresh-squeezed grapefruit juice out my nose and all over my living room upon seeing the following Grotto Fashion Don't.
My theory is that somebody at Orvis snuck this one in there as a prank. I hope that's the case. The funny thing is, I spotted Grotto friend Juan Seitz wearing these pants recently at one of the "smart-casual" events that he likes so much. They're good for him, as he's always "on-the-go" and looking for a convenient place to carry his "pocket knife, compass, and other essentials."
Here's the item with Orvis' description:
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Vintage Denim 14-Pocket Pants
These comfortable men’s travel pants are great when you’re on the go and need pockets for all your gadgets. Our classic 14-pocket pant style is available for the first time in hardy, soft-washed pure cotton Vintage Denim™. Handy pockets keep your sunglasses, pocket knives, compass, and other essentials on hand. Pants feature two special security zipper pockets to secure your keys and wallet. D-ring and tool loop. Adjustable twill strap for a custom fit. Extra-wide cargo loops. Pants available in dark indigo. Washable. Imported.
Men’s even waist sizes: 32-44. Cuffed up to 34" or plain finished up to 35" at no extra charge.
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This one is so far into "Don't" territory that it's almost a "Do!" I snapped this photo on Shelter Island a few weekends ago. I suspect it's the summer island car of Chip and Carrie E.:
This "Don't" is a fine specimen of what Malcolm Muggeridge once called "quite exceptional architectural confusion."
I was driving around the northern end of Eleuthera with some friends last week in the Bahamas, and this beauty sits right near the tip in a pretty remote patch. It is, sadly, visible from parts of the perfect little island where I was staying.
You gotta hand it to the cheeseball who built it, though, because it pretty much guarantees that he'll never have to worry about ever acquiring any neighbors in a million years. . . .
